How to be a cancer patient

I am of the opinion that chemo is hard enough; don't be a hero. If there is anything you can think of to make it easier on yourself, by all means do it. Here are some things that worked for me:

*** Very important caveat: Everyone's chemo is different. I have no idea what yours feels like, I only know what mine felt like and, believe me, it felt different every single time. Consider this a starting point***

1) First, you will need something to do. I like to read, but if you like crossword puzzles or sudoku, use those. Under no circumstances allow yourself to be separated from your book. Seriously, I put mine on my belly as they were wheeling me into the OR; don't worry, when people need it out of the way they'll move it and get it back to you the moment they're done.

2) Second: wear layers. I don't know about you, but my veins hide when I'm cold-- bring a sweater or a jacket or something and stay warm until they're done with your veins. I don't care if you're not expecting to get bled or get an IV, things happen, so stay warm.

3) Third, popsicles! Be careful with this one; some people's chemo makes them cold sensitive (I know cisplatin can make your hands very sensitive to cold) but, for me, popsicles were great for getting that horrible taste out of your mouth. Boy, as soon as they injected some of those drugs I could taste them welling up in my mouth and, believe me, I just didn't want any more of that ever, ever, ever. Also helpful is candied ginger (available in your friendly neighborhood supermarket) and little hard candies. Stuff tasted really funny for the first day or so, so strong flavors (sweet, sour, salty) worked best for me.

4) Assignments! People around me were always saying things like "I just wish there were something I could do..." So I started giving them assignments and it really, really worked. Generally, I'd start with ice water (which I contantly craved like you would just never believe.) People who were good at getting and refilling ice water might also be persuaded to fetch a thermometer (for my many fevers) or a bucket (I am a champion vomitter-- really, I'm very, very good at it [more later])

5) This might sound like a long way off, but you have got to celebrate your last day of chemo. I got my mom to bring some sparkling cider (also goes very well with chemo!) and we brought along a basket of leis from the party store. I spent my whole last treatment passing out leis to and pouring sparkling cider for the nurses, the oncologists, the patients, the family members. Now, one of my drugs hurt like crazy going into the vein and took forever to run in. Many are the hours I spent staring balefully at that @#$!! bag waiting for it to be over but that day-- that wonderful day!-- I looked up and it was already gone! I was done! And all my chemo buddies were hugging me and counting down their own treatments (just two more!) Really, you've just got to celebrate that last time...

6) Links:

Prognosis:
The National Cancer Institute (http://www.cancer.gov) posts a collection of reguarly updated information on each type of cancer. When you're ready, look yours up. They've got parallel pages for patients and for doctors. The patient pages will tell you what treatments to expect, the doctor pages will give you pull-no-punches survival statistics (these can be a little, well, real, so make sure you're in the right mood for them.)

Coping:
The Lance Armstrong Foundation (http://www.laf.org) I love the Lance Armstrong Foundation. When you're up for it, go to their website and check out the survivor tools. You'll probably find exactly what you're hoping to find.

Also, other cancer survivors in general. For example, my Aunt Julia (who lives across the country from me) sent me a get well card every single week while I was on chemo. I will love her forever for this and many other reasons.

Side effects:
I had a great chemo pharmacist who handed me the MicroMedEx pages for each of my drugs. MicroMedEx has patient information print-outs that list your side effects. This is great for when you have weird ones (like jaw pain!) and want to know if this means anything (or if it's just more crap you have to put up with.) See if you can get yourself some for your drugs.

Supplement:

How to vomit

(This is my favorite method; feel free to customize...)

Assemble the following in front of the TV:

a trash can/bucket/similar appropriately-sized receptacle
Air freshener
spray (this is key)
Large glass of water
and the remote control

Tune the TV to a documentary (or something else talky and interesting)

Vomit.

Spray air freshener.
Swish and spit water.
Attempt to maintain focus on the documentary.
Periodically inspect vomit to gain insight into what, say, candied ginger looks like after a brief trip to the stomach.

Repeat.

and remember, I made it (twelve treatments!), so can you...