Lists

I've been keeping a list of personal bests. It's time to share:

Worst tattoo:
(Includes sub-categories for worst workmanship, longest list of crossed-off ex-girlfriends, and most implausible subject matter.)

The award for worst tattoo overall for the first two weeks of July, 2006 goes to "Lady in a see-through top and sombrero." During her acceptance speech, it will be important for her to explain why her see-through top looks like a sewing class accident, why people decide that they are tattoo artists when they are clearly unable to draw a convincing human face, and where, precisely, one is expected to wear a see-through top and sombrero.

In the category of workmanship, the award, once again, goes to all those people who appear to be doodling on themselves while in jail. Note to people: you can just draw-- it does not need to be permanent.

The record-holder for longest list of crossed-off ex-girlfriends goes to the giant biker dude with three.

And, for most implausible subject matter, the award goes to guy with a tattoo of an elephant on his pubic area with the penis for a trunk.

Most depressing atlas:

The award for most depressing atlas goes to the Netter atlas of child abuse. Photographs are depressing enough, but there's just something about meticulously executed paintings of 1950s children with horribly disturbing wounds that allows this atlas to prevail over some, let me tell you, stiff competition. Runners up include "Sexual Assault" and "Taphonomy" (which is doctor talk for "rotting.")

Worst accidental specialty:

The award for worst accidental specialty goes to my co-fellow, who is apparently accidentally specializing in the very obese and very decomposed.